Behind the Laptop //020: My Shadow Work Methodology: How to Reprogram Your Identity and Break Free From Self-Sabotage
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The Hidden Root of Misalignment (That No Strategy Can Fix)
If you’ve ever felt like no matter how much strategy, mindset work, or nervous system regulation you do, something still feels off then this is for you.
Because clarity, alignment, and growth don’t come from doing more.
They come from releasing what was never truly you to begin with.
This is the work of identity-based transformation.
And shadow work is how we reclaim the power we gave away in the first place.
In this post, I’m walking you through my unique approach to shadow work; designed specifically for entrepreneurs, creators, and intuitive leaders who want to break the loop of self-sabotage, stop second-guessing themselves, and lead from the most embodied version of who you are.
If you’re brand new to this concept, I recommend starting with these foundational articles:
Then, come back to this one. Because this is where we start to shift.
What Is Shadow Work? (And Why Most People Get It Wrong)
Shadow work is not about fixing yourself. It’s about reclaiming the parts of you that were never broken, just buried beneath the layers of unconscious identity fragmentation.
I define shadow work as the process of reintegrating the suppressed, fragmented parts of your psyche so you can operate from clarity, wholeness, and full power.
In simple terms? It’s the unraveling of false identities you created to stay safe.
It’s learning to choose yourself, again and again.
The biggest misconceptions I see:
Shadow work is something you journal through once and check off
You always have to cry, purge, or “feel the feels” to process it
It’s supposed to be heavy, painful, and take forever
In reality, it’s a multi-layered process, sometimes subtle, sometimes instant, always catalytic.
The Real Purpose of Shadow Work: Wholeness, Not Healing
Healing implies something is wrong with you.
But what if nothing about you is broken?
Your psyche fragments itself as a survival response: shaping your thoughts, beliefs, emotions, and behaviors to protect you. Shadow work is how we bring those pieces back online; without shame, force, or resistance.
It’s not about becoming someone new.
It’s about becoming more you than ever before.
The Symptoms of Shadow (and How to Recognize Them)
You don’t need to go digging for your shadow. It shows up anytime your reality doesn’t match your desires.
Here’s what to look for:
Internally:
Rumination, overthinking, or self-doubt
Feeling unworthy, unsafe, or like things aren’t working
Emotional patterns you can’t seem to shift (no matter how hard you try)
In your business:
Constantly pivoting or changing your mind
Undercharging or staying invisible
Launches that never feel fully aligned
Offers you start, then abandon mid-launch
Every one of these signals stems from an internal belief system you’ve outgrown but haven’t reprogrammed.
The 4 Shadow Archetypes (and What They’re Really Trying to Tell You)
To do shadow work effectively, you need a map. That’s where the 4 Shadow Archetypes come in.
These archetypes represent the core unmet needs at the root of your resistance and misalignment:
Prostitute Shadow → Lacks self-worth. Operates from “Who am I to charge more?” or “This brand doesn't feel good enough.”
Child Shadow → Struggles with leadership. Seeks validation and permission to move forward.
Victim Shadow → Craves safety. Feels like success is unstable, fleeting, or impossible to hold.
Saboteur Shadow → Lacks self-trust. Overthinks, overplans, and rarely follows through.
Each archetype holds wisdom. And when you can name the shadow, you begin to reclaim the truth underneath it.
My Signature Shadow Work Process (Step by Step)
This is the exact process I guide clients through inside Aesteria Academia, and it’s the same one I return to in my own life and business again and again.
It blends parts work, energetics, somatic awareness, with deep identity reprogramming.
01. Step 1: Recognize the Shadow
You can’t shift what you can’t see.
And before you can identify which shadow is present, you first have to recognize that a shadow is present at all.
This step isn’t about labeling the pattern, yet, it’s about tuning into the subtle (or rather loud) signs that something within you is out of alignment with your highest potential. That might look like an intense or uncomfortable emotion, a thought that gives you the “ick,” a situation in your life that keeps repeating, or a result that just isn’t unfolding the way you expected.
Your inner and outer world are always giving you feedback.
Shadow work begins when you start to listen and get radically honest about what that feedback is trying to reveal.
02. Step 2: Let the Shadow Speak
This is the step most people rush.
They feel discomfort with an emotion, notice a negative pattern, and immediately try to fix it, without realizing that their reactive behavior is just a response to their shadow, not a solution.
But as one of my former mentors used to say:
“Let the shadow speak.”
Not so you can judge it or analyze it without compassion.
But so you can finally hear the part of you that’s fighting to be seen and heard.
This is where you connect the dots between what’s happening in your life and the part of you that’s quietly (or loudly) running the show.
Let it speak like you would a friend who’s finally opening up after being silent for years.
You will hear things like:
“I don’t feel safe.”
“No one sees how hard I’m trying.”
“I’m scared I’ll be left behind.”
“I don’t know if I’m good enough for this.”
Your only job is to listen.
No fixing. No spiritual bypassing. No trying to “make it make sense.”
Just honestly witness and hold space for this tender and vulnerable part of you.
Because once the shadow feels heard without being shut down, the real magic begins.
03. Step 3: Name the Shadow
Now that the shadow has spoken, it’s time to understand what it’s rooted in.
Ask yourself:
“Is this thought, feeling, or belief coming from love… or fear?”
This is the moment you separate you from the shadow.
Because the shadow is not the truth of who you are; it’s the part of you that developed out of protection, pain, or a distorted sense of survival.
Once you’ve named the emotional root, you can often trace the shadow back to one of the four archetypes:
If it’s a fear of being unworthy or undervalued → it’s likely the Prostitute
If it’s a need for external permission or constant validation → it’s the Child
If it’s rooted in helplessness, control, or doom-thinking → it’s the Victim
If it’s self-sabotage or distrust in your own vision → it’s the Saboteur
Each shadow speaks with a slightly different voice.
And when you learn to identify which archetype is active, it becomes so much easier to reclaim your power.
This step is about reclaiming your own power, not rejection.
Don’t hold judgement or resentment towards you’re shadows. You’re not making the shadow wrong.
You’re just calling it what it is, a fragmented part of your psyche that developed as a way to protect yourself. This way, you take your own power back and you consciousness choose who you are, how you feel, and what you believe.
04. Step 4: Break the Logic
Now that you’ve identified the shadow and let it speak, it’s time to break its illusion of power.
Because here’s the truth:
The shadow only holds control when you believe what it says without question.
This step is where we start to rewire your psyche. Not by bypassing or “positive vibing” our way out of it, but by exposing the faulty logic that the shadow was built on in the first place.
Each shadow archetype has a distinct internal narrative along with a specific path to liberation:
Prostitute → You break the logic by anchoring back into worthiness. Start speaking to yourself with more kindness. Reconnect to what you actually want (without shame). Look in the mirror and remind yourself: I am enough exactly as I am.
Child → You break the logic by reclaiming authority. Instead of waiting for a sign or validation, choose what you want and declare it as yours. Use journaling or visualization to embody the part of you who already owns it.
Victim → You break the logic by restoring a sense of safety. This looks like breathing through fear, meditating to cultivate a sensation of security, or looking directly at the things that used to scare you (your bank account, your inbox, your next launch) and reminding yourself: Nothing here can hurt me. I am safe.
Saboteur → You break the logic by returning to self-trust. The Saboteur always wants to scrap everything and start over. Instead, practice staying. Choose your path and keep walking it. There’s no “right” way—only the way you choose to create.
If this step feels deep, that’s because it is.
This is where you take the power back and start to shift your own identity, what moment at a time.
We’ll be doing a full deep dive into each shadow archetype in the coming weeks, so stay tuned for those breakdowns. Or if you want immediate support, you can join Aesteria Academia or access my free identity transformation program, ID Shift.
05. Step 5: Reinforce the New Identity
Shadow work isn’t just “done” when you first identify a shadow and “shift” it.
It’s complete when you choose a new identity, and continuously live it over and over again throughout your experiences.
Because the moment you name your shadow and rewire the old belief, life will will offer you a chance to practice the new identity.
Think of shadow work like a spectrum.
Maybe at the beginning 80% of you believed “I’m not good enough.”
After one round of shadow work, you’ve reclaimed 30% of that power.
Now you're at 50% integration and your next step is to keep reinforcing your new identity through repeated actions, thoughts, and behaviours, until that new identity becomes your dominant state.
That’s where real transformation happens: Not in one-off moments of journaling or meditation, but in daily reinforcement of your truth.
So instead of obsessing over “doing the work” every day, start noticing when life gives you opportunities to embody your new identity.
What would your shadowless self choose in this moment?
What action reinforces your worth, your voice, your vision?
What belief, behavior, or emotion feels most aligned with who you're becoming? (ie: who you really are)
Repetition is what rewires the brain.
Embodiment is what rewires your reality.
This is identity reprogramming in real time.
And yes, it works. Every single time.
How Do You Know Shadow Work Has Worked?
Great question.
You know it’s working when your nervous system feels more balanced, your thoughts more clear, and your actions more aligned.
You feel a sense of internal congruence between your desire, your identity, and your behavior. What you want feels like yours, like it’s only a matter of time before it lands into your reality.
At first, the shifts feel small. But over time, they compound.
Until you no longer think the old negative thought.
No longer hesitate when it’s time to act.
No longer collapse under pressure or self-abandon when you’re nervous.
Instead, you just, move. Without straining, without “effort.” Simply being the the version of you who already has it and who needs know external proof or validation to know it’s already yours.
Shadow Work Is a Process, But You’re Not Meant to Live in It Forever
Yes, shadow work is a lifelong awareness (awareness, not lifelong process.)
But the integration phase is often misunderstood. You don’t just journal something once and move on. You live the new identity. You repeat the behavior. You reinforce the shift and in that repetition it becomes natural.
When done correctly, this work becomes part of who you are, and eventually don’t notice when you’re doing “shadow work.” You just become an individual who is highly attuned to your internal state. You could also call this “waking up from the matrix,” and “becoming a conscious creator.”
And when you lead from your integrated identity, your business shifts with you.
Next Week: The Prostitute Shadow, Healing Self-Worth + Reclaiming Desire
Next week, we’re diving deeper into the first of the 4 Shadow Archetypes: The Prostitute: the part of you that trades your truth for safety, hides your desires, and quietly asks, “Who am I to want more?”
We’ll explore how to:
Recognize when the Prostitute archetype is running the show
Reclaim your voice, value, and visibility without fear
Anchor back into a self-led sense of worth (that no external proof can shake)
Until then, you can get started with my free training:
→ ID Shift: Identity Work for Multi 6-Figure Energy
A more empowered and aligned identity already lives within you.
This is the work that brings it forward.
Quick Q&A for the Integration Curious
Q: What does the shift feel like in the body when I move out of shadow?
A: Lightness. Wholeness. A deep breath of relief. It feels like openness in the chest, calm in the gut, and clarity in the mind.
Q: What if I know my shadow… but it keeps showing up?
A: That’s normal. Think of shadow work as reconditioning. You’re re-teaching your mind and body a new default. The key isn’t perfection, it’s repetition, and that repetition trains your neural pathways to integrate your new identity.
Q: How do I know I’ve picked the right shadow?
A: Look for the one you’re most ashamed to admit. That’s usually the real one. Many people try to intellectualize their way around the true shadow because it feels too raw. But facing it is what creates liberation.
That’s it for this edition. I share a new one every Monday. Join the list here so you don’t miss the next drop.
