Behind the Laptop //022: The Child Shadow Archetype: Becoming the Architect and Commander of Your Reality
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If you find yourself looking for validation from others to believe “it’s possible.” Or if you’re focused on how it’s going to happen instead of knowing that it will happen because you’ve chosen it.
Then what’s really going on is you’re relying on someone else to give you permission and proof that what you want, is really possible. And that is the #1 indicator the Child Shadow Archetype is running the show in the back of your psyche.
When this shadow is in the driver’s seat, you hand over your power to other people’s choices, opinions, and timing. You wait for the green light before you make a move. You don’t actively chart your own path forward; instead, you expect the outcome to arrive through someone else’s approval, decision, or generosity.
Deep down, you believe you have to deserve what you want before it can be yours, as if life will hand it to you once you’ve proven yourself. Without realizing it, you act as though your desires alone aren’t enough, forgetting that they’re meant to be brought to life with your own two-hands, thoughts, and actions.
The Child Shadow keeps you in a loop of deferring, hesitating, and outsourcing your life direction to the powers outside of you. You wait to be picked instead of choosing yourself. You wait for “proof” it works for someone else to succeed before you believe it could work for you. And in the process, you delay the opportunities, clients, and experiences that would come rushing toward you if you stepped into your own command.
The truth? Nobody is coming to give you permission.
Nobody else is going to crown you the ruler of your reality.
The moment you decide, “This is mine,” your life begins to reorganize itself to match that decision. But until you claim that authority, you’ll keep living in someone else’s timeline.
In this guide, we’ll break down:
The Child Shadow Archetype at a glance
How it connects to the Sovereign Archetype when alchemized into light
Signs and symptoms you’re in this shadow
Tangible steps to integrate it and step into self-leadership
If you’re new to this series, start with these foundational articles for context:
Shadow Archetype at a Glance: The Child
Channel: 2 of Creation
Core theme: Permission, Authority, Self-Leadership, Agency, Personal Power, Self’s Ability to Create
Shadow driver: Waiting for others to validate, allow, or “go first” before you believe you can have what you want. Outsourcing the responsibility for creating your reality. Believing you need to “deserve” what you desire. Wanting proof that what you want can be done. Waiting for someone else to hand you the outcome.
Core wound & belief system:
“I can’t have what I want unless someone else says or shows me I can.”
“My choices don’t influence my reality, life just happens to me.”
“I need to do ‘enough’ to ‘deserve’ what I want.”
Light Archetype at a Glance: The Sovereign
Core theme: Self-authority, Leadership, Decisiveness, Autonomy, Creation Power
Light driver: Declaring what you want and taking aligned action without waiting for proof or permission. Recognizing that your choices and desires directly shape your reality. Knowing that you choose the “how” to create whatever desire you have.
Core Truth & Embodied Power:
“I go first. I lead. My reality follows my decision.”
“I am the creator of my own reality.”
“I don’t need to do anything to ‘deserve’ what I want. I am deserving of anything I desire by my existence.”
“I willing to do what is required of me to create what I desire for myself.”
“I don’t need anybody to hand me my success, I will create it for myself.”
What It Looks Like When the Child Shadow Is Unintegrated
Feelings
Hesitation to act without someone else’s input or approval
Fear of “getting it wrong” without guidance
Constantly investing without learning on their own
Dependence on mentors, leaders, or authority figures for every big decision
Doubt in your ability to create results on your own
Relief when someone else decides for you and resentment later when it’s not what you wanted
Thoughts
“I’ll start once I see it working for someone else.”
“I need to know ‘how’ before I’m willing to believe.”
“I don’t know enough yet to do this on my own.”
“What if I fail? I should wait until I’m ready.”
“I wish someone would just tell me what to do.”
“If they don’t approve, I probably shouldn’t do it.”
Beliefs
“Other people know better than I do.”
“My reality is shaped by luck, timing, or outside forces, not my own decisions and actions.”
“I need a sign or proof before I can trust myself to go after what I want.”
“If I act without permission, I’ll make a mistake I can’t recover from.”
“I need to do/be enough to be deserving of what I desire.”
“Something outside of myself determines my ‘deserving-ness’.”
Behaviours
Procrastinating until someone else makes the first move
Constantly asking for advice or reassurance before acting even after you know what to do
Double checking what needs to be done when you’ve already been taught, shown, or told
Copying the path of others instead of forging your own
Abandoning an idea the second someone questions it
Jumping from mentor to mentor hoping someone will “unlock” your success
Holding back offers, content, or launches until someone validates the idea
Jumping from offer to offer and business model to business model at every new shiny idea
Negative Manifestations
Missed opportunities because you waited too long
Business stagnation from waiting for permission instead of executing
Chronic dependence on “inspiration” from others to move forward
Audience perceives you as uncertain or inconsistent
Other people making decisions for you and you living with the consequences
Feeling overlooked, underpaid, or passed up for leadership opportunities
How to Alchemize the Child Shadow into the Sovereign Archetype
Alchemizing this shadow isn’t about never taking advice or ignoring feedback, it’s about reclaiming the role of final decision-maker in your life. The opposite of the Child is the Sovereign Archetype, who leads, decides, and commands reality to respond.
For the Child Shadow, integration means reclaiming your self-trust, acting without waiting for external confirmation, and owning that your desires are enough reason to move forward.
In the next section, we’ll go into exercises to rewire this shadow pattern; from micro-daily practices that build decision-making authority, to bigger reclamation rituals that anchor your leadership at a subconscious level.
Habits to Wire in the Sovereign
The Sovereign doesn’t wait for permission, proof, or a perfect plan. They declare, decide, and move; and life reorganizes itself around that decision. These habits retrain your nervous system to trust your own voice above all else.
Exercise #1: The Sovereign’s Command
The Child waits for instructions. The Sovereign issues them and follows through without hesitation. This is one of my favorite practices, and one my clients love because of how quickly it builds self-trust. The Sovereign’s Command is simple: you state out loud exactly what you will do, and then you follow through. Simple and easy.
How to do it:
Anytime throughout the day, the moment you decide on an action (or series of actions), speak it out loud as a direct order to yourself.
You can make it short and simple: “I will send this email.” or map out a sequence:
“I will fill up my water, then sit back down at my desk and finish this email.”
“I will go out to lunch, go for a short 15-minute walk after lunch, then get back to recording that lesson.”
Keep the language clear and specific.
Follow through exactly as stated.
Why it works:
Issuing a verbal command taps into the same authority you’d use to lead others but directed at yourself. When you speak it and then do it, you train your mind and body to associate your voice with decisive, self-led action.
Tips:
Don’t soften the command with “I might” or “I should.”
Don’t issue too many commands at once; keep things simple and build up. The more you flex this muscle, the more stamina you’ll have as you train yourself to be the commander of your own life.
You can use this same commands to schedule in rest and recovery. “I will rest for 90minutes after completing this task, then head to the gym.”
Exercise #2: The “I Will Have It” Journal Method
The Child hopes and wishes for success while the Sovereign claims it. This practice shifts you from wishful thinking into active ownership of your desires.
This exercise is all about turning “I would like this” → “I will have this.” Once you’ve worked through Channel 1, The Prostitute Shadow <hyper link> then you will be in a state where you know what your desire is and you feel worthy of it, but you have not yet commanded “this will be mine.”
This journaling exercise takes you from:
“I feel worthy of it and I hope I can have this” into →
“I will have this, this is for me.” →
“I am having it, this is mine.” →
“It’s already done, it’s only a matter of time.”
How to do it:
Write your desire clearly.
At the top of a blank journal page, write the exact thing you want — no vague statements. Be as specific as possible.
Example: instead of “more clients,” write “five new 1:1 clients in my premium program this month.”
Measure your current belief.
On a scale of 0–10, rate how much you believe this is already yours.
Your goal in this exercise is to raise that number through repetition, clarity, and embodiment.
Tap into the feeling and identity.
Ask yourself: “How does it feel to already have [specific desire]?”
Then: “Who am I when I have [specific desire]?”
Write in detail — describe the emotions, behaviors, and energy of that version of you.
Move through the command sequence.
State and write each of these lines with conviction:
“I desire [specific desire].”
“I choose to have [specific desire].”
“I will have [specific desire].”
“I am having [specific desire].”
“It’s already mine. It’s only a matter of time.”
Repeat each one 3–5 times, speaking them out loud as you write.
Anchor it in your body.
After writing, close your eyes and breathe deeply as you hold the energy of certainty in your chest.
Imagine sending that certainty into every cell of your body, as if you’ve already made it non-negotiable.
Why it works:
This progression shifts you from passive wanting into active claiming. By stating your desire as a choice and a command, then anchoring it in your body, you reprogram your identity to see the outcome as inevitable. You’re no longer hoping someone or something will hand it to you; you’re embodying the leader who creates it.
Tips:
Speak and write these statements with the tone of a command, not a wish.
Don’t water down your desire to something “realistic” the Sovereign chooses without self-editing and trusts himself/herself to create the outcome regardless of how “realistic” it feels at first.
Integrity. If something doesn’t feel ready to land in your reality yet, that’s normal. Acknowledge the part of yourself that doubts, but choose to grow through the doubt into certainty. You can’t create certainty if you lie about how you’re really feeling.
Let yourself feel the shift in energy as you move through each line, and linger where you need to raise your belief rating.
The more vivid and specific the desire, the more your mind and body will align with it.
Exercise #3: Future-Self Visualization
Visualization without self-worth can easily turn into passive daydreaming. That’s why this practice only comes after you’ve gone through Channel 1: The Prostitute Shadow and anchored the truth that you are worthy of your desires.
Once you’ve done the worthiness work, you can begin directing your creative energy toward visualizing exactly what you want. By using your imagination to create vivid mental images, and feeling the outcome in your body, you’re creating the mental image of what you want and beginning to bring that reality to life, starting with the picture you hold in your mind.
How to do it:
Close your eyes and step into the version of you who already has exactly what you want.
See yourself being that person , not just looking at them from the outside.
“Look around you” while being new you
What does your day-to-day environment look like? Where are you living, working, spending your time?
What details stand out: colors, textures, light, sounds, scents?
Notice how you feel in this reality.
On a regular, everyday basis, what emotions are you living in?
What does your nervous system feel like in this space: calm, excited, grounded, free, powerful, commanding, excited, enthusiastic?
Step into your identity.
Who do you see yourself as now?
What do you believe about yourself, life, and what’s possible?
How do you choose to show up in your relationships, your business, your creativity?
How do you spend your time when this is your normal reality?
Anchor the certainty.
Fully be the version of you who already has what you want, right here, right now.
As you open your eyes, feel yourself bringing all of the “future you” beliefs, emotions, and ways of showing up into this present moment.
Choose to stop seeing this “new” reality as something “in the future” and start living it as your current state.
Why it works:
Your nervous system responds to vivid imagery almost the same way it does to lived experience. By experiencing your outcome in your mind first, you remove the unfamiliarity that makes the Child hesitate.
What not to do:
Don’t use this as a replacement for action, use this as a way to gain clarity on your next steps forward. Visualization is fuel for the actions you take immediately afterward.
Final Thoughts
Rewiring the Child Shadow isn’t about becoming hard-headed, refusing advice, or cutting yourself off from learning from others. It’s about taking back command in your own life. Reclaiming the power to create what you want without waiting for someone else to hand it to you.
You’re not learning leadership; you’re remembering it.
You’re not hoping for authority; you’re stepping back into it.
Every time you issue a Sovereign’s Command, write a desire as a non-negotiable “I will have it,” or live a day in the identity of your future self, you’re telling your subconscious: I trust myself to lead, I choose my own timeline, and I have the power to create exactly what I want.
Over time, those small, deliberate choices compound into a self-image so rooted in self-leadership that outsourcing your decisions feels unnatural and leading yourself feels like the only way forward.
If this resonated, explore my full Shadow Work Methodology or continue with the next part of the Shadow Archetype series to deepen your integration and step fully into the Sovereign you were always meant to be.
That’s it for this edition. I share a new one every Monday. Join the list here so you don’t miss the next drop.
