Behind the Laptop //030: Decode Your Reality: Using the 5R’s to Transform Negative Patterns at the Identity Level
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Your Current Reality Is Always Feedback
Your current reality is a mirror. Every situation, pattern, or trigger reflects something deeper in the way you’re identifying with yourself. Your emotions act as a compass, and your reality reflects them back like a map, constantly offering you direction on what you want, what needs to shift, and which transformations are calling for your attention.
Your job isn’t to ignore what’s showing up or “fix” yourself when you notice a negative situation, feeling, or trigger, it’s to learn how to decode the signs, read the language of the universe, and shift your internal landscape to match the external reality you wish to create.
This is where your true power lies. The moment you stop using external reality as a crutch to determine who you are and what you are capable of and instead become the master of your inner state, reality itself begins to bend to your will. You no longer wait for evidence, you create it with your own two hands.
And sometimes, this is exactly why visualization feels hard.
When you try to imagine a reality that feels too far away, it’s not because it’s impossible or that it’s “not for you.”
It’s because the frequency of that new reality can’t connect with the coding you’re currently running. That’s not a sign that “you’re a failure” or “not good enough,” it’s feedback. It means the first step isn’t reaching for the new vision, but deprogramming the old frequencies that are shaping your current reality.
That’s where the 5R’s of Cognitive Reprogramming come in. They’re not only a framework for manifesting the future you want which we discussed in last weeks article which you can check out here they’re the method for decoding the negatives in your present reality and rewriting the identity patterns keeping you in an unconscious loop.
When to Use the 5R’s for Decoding Negatives
Most of the time, I recommend using the 5R’s of Cognitive Reprogramming in a positive direction. Aka: to focus your attention towards what you do want. Training your subconscious to expect expansion and positive outcomes is the fastest way to grow.
But, there are seasons when the negative of life takes center stage.
For Example: When you’re dating someone who mistreats you. When arguments with your partner keep spiraling. When physical pain flares up again. When you’re wide awake at 3 a.m. night after night. When money feels tight and the anxiety won’t stop.
In those moments, ignoring it only makes it louder. Your reality is pressing on the bruise to grab your attention to show you something deeper that your conscious self isn’t aware of (yet).
Here are some clear signs it’s time to decode and recode the negative:
A thought keeps looping no matter how much you try to override it
You feel persistent anxiety: not from being busy, but from a fear or belief you can’t shake
Visualizing your goals feels heavy, impossible, or even pointless
Thinking about what you want only increases frustration instead of motivation
When any of these show up, it’s your subconscious sending a clear signal: something in the code needs to be rewritten so you can become who you want to be.
Reminder: The Identity Cascade
Before we walk through the steps, remember: identity is layered.
Thought → Belief → Emotion → Behavior → Identity
A single repeating thought becomes a belief. That belief fuels emotions, shapes behaviors, and eventually hardens into identity.
The 5R’s let you intervene at any point in the cascade. The deeper the layer, the more patience required, but every shift rewires the pattern.
R1: Recognition: Awareness of Misalignment
Every shift begins with awareness. Before you can rewrite anything, you have to notice when something feels “off.” That flicker of friction inside you: the trigger, the tightening, the heavy thought.
Awareness is about pausing long enough to recognize: what created this moment of friction? Was it a thought that popped into your head? An emotion rising in your body? A specific situation that felt disempowering? Or even the absence of something you deeply desire?
The key is to remember: negative emotions and circumstances are not proof that something is wrong with you. They’re signals. They’re showing you exactly where the story you’ve been programmed to live is out of sync with your deeper truth.
Example:
You catch yourself thinking, “I always procrastinate on my launches.”
That thought feels heavy and frustrating.
Recognition is simply noticing: I’m running a pattern here that doesn’t feel aligned.
Tip: Don’t overthink this step. Recognition is not about fixing, it’s about awareness. The very act of naming what feels out of alignment opens the door to transformation.
R2: Understand the Web Beneath the Trigger
No belief, thought, or emotion exists in isolation. Every negative pattern is part of a web, tied to hidden stories, deeper fears, and the way you’ve learned to see yourself.
Relation is about slowing down and exploring: what is this thought, feeling, or situation really making me believe about myself? What story am I perpetuating by choosing these current thoughts and behaviors?
For example:
You have an argument with your spouse and feel frustrated.
The thought arises: “They never listen to me.”
In R1: Recognition, you notice the thought arise: “They never listen to me.” And you can feel how that thought doesn’t feel true or aligned — it creates inner friction.
In R2: Relation, you go deeper: What does that make me believe about myself? What story am I telling myself? Why does this bother me? What emotions am I feeling?
I’m not good enough. Nobody supports my dreams.
They’re tired of me and will leave one day.
I have to do everything alone. Life is exhausting.
I feel so alone and unsupported. I feel like it’s me against the world.
The Relation phase is where you uncover the root stories hiding beneath the trigger. You’re mapping the emotional and mental associations that are making the pattern feel so heavy.
Tip: Don’t stop at the surface thought (like “they don’t listen”). Ask yourself: What does this situation mean about me, my life, or my worth? The deeper you go, the clearer the misalignment becomes.
R3: Realization: Separation From the Old Story
Once you’ve traced the deeper meaning of the trigger, the next step is to see the story you’ve been unconsciously subscribed to.
Ask yourself:
Where did I learn this story?
Did I consciously choose it, or did it come from someone else’s projection, fear, or limitation?
Does this belief or behavior actually feel good and support who I want to become?
Is this actually who I am? Or is this story protecting me in some way?
Here’s the key: Realization isn’t about digging through every trauma or finding the exact moment something began. It’s about noticing that an old version of you, one who didn’t yet realize her power, created this belief. And now, as your wiser, present self, you no longer have to keep living by it.
This is the turning point: the moment you separate “this is who I am(was)” from “this is the story I once believed (and who I am no longer)”
Example: “I thought I procrastinated because I was lazy. But the truth is, I was afraid of being judged because deep down I felt I wasn’t worthy of success. I didn’t consciously choose that story, so now I choose a new one.”
R4: Recreation: Choose a New Reality
Once separation has happened, you create space for choice.
This is where you ask yourself the most important question: “What would I prefer instead? Who do I want to be? How do I want to behave? What would I like to manifest? What would I like to believe about myself? What emotions would I prefer to be my new normal?
You don’t need to know the “perfect” new identity in detail. The trick is remembering you can become anything you decide, without squeezing yourself into a mold of who you think you’re supposed to be.
Give yourself the freedom to choose: Who do you want to be? Why do you want to be that version of you? How good would it feel to step into that identity right now?
Example: “I used to believe I was lazy. But now I choose the story that I feel energized when I start launches early. I trust myself to follow through.”
Recreation is where you stop unconsciously living by someone else’s program and begin consciously writing your own. Each new belief is a choice, and with every choice, you’re coding yourself into the reality you want to live in.
R5: Reiteration: Reinforce Until It Becomes Natural
Your new identity locks in the moment you choose it. That decision is final.
But like planting a seed, it needs consistent nurturing to build momentum and grow into your default way of being. That’s where Reiteration comes in.
At first, the new story feels delicate, like fresh ink. Reiteration is the act of living it, over and over, until it becomes your natural rhythm.
This doesn’t require exhausting routines or perfection. In fact, the simplest reinforcements are the most powerful:
30-second awareness check: When something triggers you, pause and ask, “Am I reacting from the old story, or responding as the new me?”
Environmental cue: Shift something in your space (like a sticky note on your mirror or moving your water bottle) to remind you of the new identity each time you see it.
Embodied action: Do one small thing your “new you” naturally does, something the old you avoided. (For example: send the pitch email, say no without overexplaining, take a midday walk.)
Every time you choose the new story, you strengthen it. Momentum builds. The pathway smooths. And eventually, the identity you once had to remind yourself of becomes second nature.
You no longer “try” to hold it, you simply are it.
Working With Deeper Negatives
Sometimes what looks like procrastination, fear, or anxiety is just the surface. When you follow the Relation step deeper, you uncover core identity wounds:
“I’m not enough.”
“I can’t trust myself.”
“I’m not safe to be seen.”
When the root sits at the identity level, it takes more time and presence to recode. But these are also the shifts that create the biggest freedom; because you’re not just patching the surface, you’re rewriting the foundation. And once these deeper shifts lock in, they become permanent.
This is where deeper practices come in. Somatic work helps release the body’s attachment to old stories, while shadow work brings the unconscious into the light. If you’re new to shadow work, you can start with my my Beginners Guide to Shadow Work for a deeper breakdown of the four shadow archetypes and how to integrate them.
I’ll also be sharing more about my personal somatic practices in upcoming articles. For now, remember: when a deeper layer shows up, it’s not a setback; it’s an invitation to meet yourself fully and recode at the root.
FAQ: Common Questions About Decoding Negatives
Q: How do I know if a pattern is worth decoding?
If it keeps looping, even when you try to shift it on the spot, or it creates persistent emotional friction (anxiety, frustration, guilt, shame), that’s your sign. Negatives that don’t dissolve with simple reframes are usually identity-level and need the 5R’s.
Q: What if I can’t trace the negative back to its origin?
You don’t have to. Realization isn’t about digging endlessly into your past, it’s about seeing the story as “borrowed” and choosing differently now. If a negative belief/story is strong, the origin is usually crystal clear, but in reality, it doesn’t matter. The choice of who you want to be is what rewrites the code.
Q: How long does it take to shift a negative pattern?
When it’s surface-level (like nerves before a sales call), you can shift it in minutes.
When it’s tied to identity (“I’m not enough,” “I’m not safe to be seen”), give yourself 2–3 weeks of consistent reinforcement. These shifts take longer, but they’re also the most liberating because they dissolve the root, not just the symptom.
Q: What if I feel like it’s not working?
Usually, that means two things:
You’re still waiting for external reality to change before you feel different inside.
You’re not fully believing in your authority to choose a new identity, you’re giving the old story more power than your new one.
This is where shadow work comes in. Resistance isn’t failure; it’s a sign of what’s still unintegrated. When you bring those shadows back into alignment, the external shifts follow.
What’s Next: Decode → Recreate → Manifest
Your current reality is a mirror. Every negative emotion, thought, belief, circumstance is feedback. Every repeating negative pattern is an invitation to recode.
Next week, I’ll share real-world examples of how I and my clients have applied the 5R’s: to dissolve limiting beliefs, shift identity patterns, and anchor new realities that last.
And if you want deeper support applying this work to your brand and business, join me inside Aesteria Academia where identity work and strategy merge to help you build the million-dollar brand you’re here to lead.
That’s it for this edition. I share a new one every Monday. Join the list here so you don’t miss the next drop.
